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TWU professor offers help for the hurting
11/17/09
DENTON — The holidays can be tough on those who have
lost a loved one. A traditional time of celebration may become
a time to “get through” or avoid altogether.
Dr.
Susan Adams, associate professor of counseling and development
at Texas Woman’s University, says any holiday can be
difficult for those who have suffered a loss. She regularly
conducts grief seminars to give survivors the tools to cope
with that loss.
“Many
times, people feel that if they let go of their sadness, they
will lose the memory,” she said. “They often get
stuck in their grief.”
Some try to avoid the holidays altogether. Dr. Adams cautions
against trying to run from the pain, saying one of her goals
in the seminar is to “help people understand that we
have to deal with our pain. The further away we try to push
it, the more it becomes our focal point.”
Others
deal with their grief in different ways.“People frequently
cover up the void of the ‘empty moments’ with
excessive activities, like work, or excessive sleeping to
avoid the pain,” Dr. Adams said. “Unfortunately,
people may engage in unhealthy activities, such as using alcohol
or drugs to anesthetize the pain.”
Instead,
Dr. Adams suggests that people find ways to incorporate the
memory of the loved one. By acknowledging the pain, she said,
you give yourself permission to remember the person, to honor
the pain of the loss and to embrace all of the memory of the
person — not just the painful memories.
“The
goal of healthy grieving is never to ‘get over’
the loss, because this is not something you ever get over,”
she said. “Life as you know it has forever changed,
but you can find a new way to live and incorporate the presence
of the person into your future. It won’t be the physical
presence, but it can be the influence that lives on in our
hearts and minds. We must find a way to honor it.”
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Media Contact:
Karen Garcia
Tel: (940) 898-3456
e-mail: kgarcia@twu.edu
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