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TWU professor offers help to the hurting
11/19/08
DENTON —
The holidays can be tough on those who have lost a loved one.
A traditional time of celebration may become a time to “get
through” or avoid altogether.
Dr. Susan Adams,
associate professor of counseling and development at Texas
Woman’s University, says any holiday can be difficult
for those who have suffered a loss. She regularly conducts
grief seminars to give survivors the tools to cope with that
loss.
The holiday seminars
include several optional memorial opportunities, including
a “Remembrance Service” in which participants
may decorate a memory tree with ornaments to honor loved ones
who have died. Those who would like to take part in the service
are asked to bring an unbreakable ornament to the program.
Some try to avoid
the holidays altogether. Dr. Adams cautions against trying
to run from the pain, saying one of her goals in the seminar
is to “help people understand that we have to deal with
our pain. The further away we try to push it, the more it
becomes our focal point.”
Others deal with
their grief in different ways.
“People frequently
cover up the void of the ‘empty moments’ with
excessive activities, like work, or excessive sleeping to
avoid the pain,” Dr. Adams said. “Unfortunately,
people may engage in unhealthy activities, such as using alcohol
or drugs to anesthetize the pain.”
Instead, Dr. Adams
suggests that people find ways to incorporate the memory of
the loved one. By acknowledging the pain, she said, you give
yourself permission to remember the person, to honor the pain
of the loss and to embrace all of the memory of the person
— not just the painful memories.
“Many times,
people feel that if they let go of their sadness, they will
lose the memory,” Dr. Adams said. “They often
get stuck in their grief.”
Sometimes, unresolved conflict from the past leads a person
to become “stuck in their grief.” Seeking counseling
with someone trained to work with grieving clients is beneficial
and allows them to move through their grieving process to
find a place of healing, Dr. Adams said.
“The goal
of healthy grieving is never to ‘get over’ the
loss, because this is not something you ever get over,”
she said. “Life as you know it has forever changed,
but you can find a new way to live and incorporate the presence
of the person into your future. It won’t be the physical
presence, but it can be the influence that lives on in our
hearts and minds.”
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Media
Contact:
Karen Garcia
Senior Writer
Tel: (940) 898-3456
e-mail: kgarcia@twu.edu
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