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Some Rules for Fair Fighting

In sharing conflicting feelings there should be no winner or loser.  The objective is to resolve feelings, not win.

1. Fight (share feelings), don't duck out.
2. Stick to the subject.  State what you’re upset about.
3. No name calling.  Use “I feel” not “you are” messages.
4. No hitting for sensitive spots.
5. No third parties.
6. No past histories.  (Anything over 24 hours old is unusable garbage-no garbage dumping)
7. Hold hands. (We are not fighting each other, but talking over a problem we are mutually trying to resolve.

A technique for safely bringing up problems with one another:            

1. If your partner’s behavior is causing you a problem, ask your companion for permission to  share the problem.  The partner may listen at that time or set another time that same day that will be more receptive.
2. Don’t go over two or three minutes in sharing the problem.  Do not be repetitious, belittling or judgmental.
3. Your companion listens respectfully and then repeats back what you’ve said to make sure the message was correctly received.
4. Thank your partner for listening.
5. Your partner thanks you for leveling with him or her and for saying how you honestly feel.
6. If you share a problem, you then are also responsible for sharing a creative solution to the problem at the same time.
7. Your partner may then accept or reject your solution, or introduce a modified solution.
8. You both negotiate until a solution acceptable to both is reached.