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The Assertiveness Contiuum
Polly/Paul Passive
| Basic Attitude |
I'm not okay. |
| Power |
Feels helpless, turns power over to others, uses guilt to control |
| Decision Making |
Lets others choose for her |
| Feedback from Others |
Guilt, anger, frustration, lack of respect, abuse |
| Sense of Humor |
Is often cruelly teased, colludes with put-downs about herself, lets others be funny |
| Courage |
Fearful, withdraws, does not stand up for her convictions, tries to get sympathy |
| Gains/Payoffs |
Attention, sympathy, protection, doted on, avoids responsibility |
| Price Paid |
Loss of freedom, self-respect, and creativity |
| Burnout Potential |
Very high - usually depletes herself, can't say no |
| Career Profile |
Does what they think they should do - even if it makes them unhappy |
| End Results |
Life is a chore for the martyr |
Agatha/Artie Aggressive
| Basic Attitude |
You're not okay. |
| Power |
Substitutes control and domination for power |
| Decision Making |
Chooses for others whether they like it or not |
| Feedback from Others |
Fear, defensiveness, humiliation, hurt |
| Sense of Humor |
Caustic wit, puts down others, can't laugh at themselves. |
| Courage |
Attacks and blames others to cover up fear and insecurity. Talks "tough" and takes unwise risks |
| Gains/Payoffs |
Controls people and situations, wants to have authority and to be right |
| Price Paid |
Loss of love, friendship, and teamwork |
| Burnout Potential |
Very high - overworked, competition, often super achievers with physical health problems |
| Career Profile |
Often an unhappy overachiever, who may be a financial success and a person of status |
| End Results |
Loneliness and bitterness |
Iris/Izzy Indirect
| Basic Attitude |
You're not okay, but I'll let you think you are |
| Power |
Uses manipulation and deceit to gain control |
| Decision Making |
Is sneaky or deceitful in choosing for others |
| Feedback from Others |
Suspicion, confusion, frustration, feels manipulated |
| Sense of Humor |
Sarcasm and cynicism |
| Courage |
Uses trickery and feigns other emotions (e.g. love, sadness, anger to cover up fear) |
| Gains/Payoffs |
Sometimes seen as cute and clever, has fun playing games |
| Price Paid |
Is not trusted, is the victim of retaliation and vengeance |
| Burnout Potential |
Very high - takes more and more energy to cover-up deceits and games |
| Career Profile |
Once their untrustworthiness is discovered, their career takes a nosedive |
| End Results |
Loss of identity, trust and respect |
April/Al Assertive
| Basic Attitude |
I'm okay and you're okay. |
| Power |
Has personal power and shares power easily. Can be vulnerable |
| Decision Making |
Chooses for themselves and supports others in making their own decisions |
| Feedback from Others |
Respect, love, support, inspiration, acceptance, comfort |
| Sense of Humor |
Playful, loving humor, can laugh at themselves, risks being funny |
| Courage |
Is willing to deal with difficulty and pain, has the strength of their convictions, takes calculated risks |
| Gains/Payoffs |
Self-respect, integrity, responsibility, freedom, intimacy |
| Price Paid |
Unrealistic expectations from self and others to be "perfectly" assertive |
| Burnout Potential |
Can become too competent and accomplished from not discriminating in her choices and setting limits |
| Career Profile |
Usually happy and successful, they feel they can do anything they desires |
| End Results |
Love, happiness and peace of mind |
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